The Coat Behind the Door: My Journey Through Postnatal Depression

When I became a mum, I expected joy, exhaustion, and the occasional challenge. But what I didn’t expect was to find myself utterly convinced that if I took the coat off the back of the door, my son would die.

It sounds irrational, I know, but in those moments, it was my truth. That coat became my shield against a fear so overwhelming it swallowed everything else. One day, I summoned the courage to move it just a few centimetres, but I spent the entire night watching my son, terrified that something would happen. It didn’t. My son was fine. Yet, the feelings that had consumed me didn’t magically disappear—they lingered, waiting for me to confront them.

It wasn’t until later that I realised I was experiencing postnatal depression (PND). This wasn’t just “baby blues,” the fleeting emotional turbulence many new mothers feel; this was deeper, longer lasting, and all-encompassing.

What Is Postnatal Depression?

PND is a condition that affects more than one in ten women within the first year after giving birth. It isn’t just about feeling sad, it’s a combination of emotional, physical, and cognitive symptoms that can make everyday life feel insurmountable. It can also affect fathers and partners too.

The Signs to Look Out For:

Looking back, I now recognise some of the signs in myself. If you’re reading this and wondering if you, or someone you love, might be struggling, these are some common indicators:

  • Emotional Symptoms:
    • Persistent sadness and a sense of emptiness.
    • Intense anxiety or fear that something bad will happen to your baby.
    • Feelings of guilt or self-blame for not being a “good enough” parent.
  • Physical Symptoms:
    • Constant fatigue and difficulty sleeping, even when your baby sleeps.
    • Loss of appetite or, conversely, comfort eating.
  • Cognitive Symptoms:
    • Struggling to focus, make decisions, or remember things.
    • Overwhelming negative thoughts about yourself and/or your parenting.
  • Behavioural Symptoms:
    • Difficulty bonding with your baby or finding joy in their company.
    • Withdrawing from family and friends out of fear of judgement.

For me, it was the constant fear for my son’s safety. I felt trapped in a cycle of compulsive thoughts and actions that I believed were keeping him safe.

Seeking Help: Breaking the Silence

At first, I was hesitant to talk about what I was feeling. How could I tell anyone that I thought a coat was keeping my son alive? Would they think I was crazy or unfit to be a mother? But opening up was the best decision I could have made.

Postnatal depression isn’t a reflection of your abilities as a parent, it’s a medical condition. Risk factors like a history of anxiety or depression, stressful life events, or even a difficult birth can make it more likely to occur. It doesn’t discriminate; it can happen to anyone.

The right support made all the difference for me. I sought therapy from someone who truly listened without judgement, and I also discovered holistic practices like hypnotherapy and reflexology. These tools helped me quiet my mind and reconnect with myself as a mother.

The Science Behind Hypnobirthing

Research has highlighted the significant role hypnobirthing can play in improving both the birthing experience and postnatal wellbeing.

A study conducted with first-time mothers demonstrated that hypnobirthing not only reduced labour pain and anxiety but also significantly lowered rates of postnatal depression.

The findings showed that women who practised hypnobirthing techniques were more likely to experience shorter labour durations, reduced medical interventions, and enhanced emotional resilience postpartum​.

Hypnobirthing encourages a positive outlook on childbirth, helping mothers approach labour with calmness and confidence. This sense of control and preparation translates into improved postpartum experiences, with mothers feeling better equipped to manage the challenges of early parenthood.

Link to Study to be attached: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11346478/#:~:text=Results,the%20experimental%20group%20of%20women

What Help Looks Like

If you think you may have PND, reaching out to a healthcare professional is the first step. Talking to your GP, midwife, or health visitor can open the door to treatment options like therapy or medication. Additionally, consider complementary approaches:

  • Holistic Techniques: Practices like hypnotherapy can reduce stress, release trauma, and help you form new, positive beliefs about yourself​​.
  • Support Networks: Attend webinars or local groups where you can share experiences and hear from others who understand​​.
  • The Power of Bonding: The “golden hour” after childbirth emphasises the profound connection between parent and child. Even if you missed this time, skin-to-skin contact and closeness can foster healing and attachment​​.

You’re Not Alone

The coat behind the door isn’t there anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time. But the lessons I learned in that period of my life remain. Postnatal depression is real, and it can be frightening. But with the right support, healing is not only possible, it’s inevitable.

If you’re struggling, know this: you are not alone. There are incredible organisations and resources dedicated to helping parents navigate this journey. In the UK, organisations like PANDAS Foundation offer helplines, support groups, and online communities for those affected by postnatal depression. Mind provides invaluable mental health resources, including tailored advice for new parents. You can also reach out to your GP, midwife, or health visitor, all of whom are trained to support you and connect you with further care. Taking that first step to seek help can feel overwhelming, but it’s a sign of strength. You are stronger than you feel in this moment, and there are people and tools ready to help you. Reach out and I promise help is closer than you think.